So, you’re curious about anal sex but don’t know where to start? Well, you’re not alone. Many people have questions and concerns about anal, but with a little bit of preparation and communication, it can be a pleasurable and exciting experience for both partners. To help you get started, our sexologist Sandra Larson is here to help. She will share many tips on how to have anal sex and the necessary preparation to make sure it’s both safe and pleasurable for all parties. Let’s check out what she has to say:
- Communication: Start by discussing expectations, boundaries, and concerns with your partner. Use a ‘traffic light system’ (green for go, yellow for caution, red for stop) to communicate during the act. Discuss pros (such as variety, no pregnancy risk, potential pleasure) and cons (possible discomfort, preparation required, not suitable for everyone), as well as hygiene and the importance of using condoms to prevent infections.
- What to Eat Beforehand: Opt for light, easy-to-digest foods and avoid heavy or spicy meals to prevent discomfort. Bananas and watermelons are good choices. Stay hydrated with water to facilitate smoothness and comfort, avoiding sugary drinks and alcohol.
- The Right Anal Lube: Choose the right lube for a comfortable experience. Water-based lubes are easy to clean but may need reapplication; silicone-based lubes last longer but are not suitable for silicone toys; oil-based lubes are good for sensitive skin but not for latex condoms. Avoid lubes with glycerin to reduce irritation and infection risk.
- Insertion Phase: Use plenty of lube and start slowly with gentle insertion, gradually increasing depth and speed. Check in with your partner regularly for comfort and consent. Practice hygiene by cleaning up before and after the act to prevent infections.
- Anal Sex Positions: Explore different positions like doggy style, cowgirl, missionary, and spooning to find what’s most comfortable and pleasurable. Each position offers unique angles and levels of control, suitable for beginners and varied experiences.
Table Of Contents
What Is Anal Sex?
Anal sex is when you or your partner inserts a penis, sex toy, or finger into the anus. It’s a sexual activity that can be pleasurable for many people, but it’s important to understand the risks and how to do it safely.
Is Anal Sex Safe?
The answer is yes, and many reputable medical sources are claiming it’s safe [1]. But like any sexual activity, there are risks involved during anal penetration. The first on the list is the importance of using plenty of lube to avoid tearing or irritation. Additionally, the anus is not designed for penetration, so please start slowly and communicate with your partner to ensure that you’re both comfortable and enjoying yourselves. You can read more on this topic in this article.
If you’re not sure if it’s right for you, don’t feel pressured to try it. Ultimately, the most important thing is that you feel comfortable and safe in your sexual experiences.
What Does Anal Sex Feel Like?
This is how our sexologist Rachel Sommer, Ph.D., summarized her first anal sex experience: “In the beginning, it was very intense and overwhelming. The sensations were primarily around my sphincter muscle, with an additional feeling of pressure deep inside of me. After a while, the deep anal pressure became more pleasurable, building up to an intense anal orgasm. Surprisingly, the outward thrust gave me more pleasure than the inward thrust.”
If you want to read more about how anal sex feels, this Reddit thread has many ladies describing their experiences. For example:
- “In the beginning, it feels like you need to have a poop, but I find that pretty quickly disappears into just an amaaaazing pleasure. I feel everything in there. My anus itself is incredibly sensitive & the in and out motion is highly pleasurable. I love the feeling of him pushing right in and being all filled up.”
- “It’s like a force multiplier for intense orgasms. Anything I could experience through clitoral stimulation is enhanced X100, and the orgasm is more of a full-body sensation originating through the entire pelvis rather than just the clitoris.”
- “It does start out feeling like I have to poop, yeah, but with some relaxation and a good partner, that feeling goes away after half a minute and is replaced by a deep pleasure.”
Does anal feel good? Read more in this guide.
How to Prepare for Anal Sex?
Unlike vaginal sex, anal play can be more tricky because you’ll have to do certain preparation especially if it’s your first anal sex experience. Start with the basics: cleaning your butt. You don’t want any unpleasant surprises during your romp, so it’s a good idea to douche beforehand. You can use an enema kit or a bulb syringe to flush out your rectum with warm water. Be sure to use plain water and avoid any harsh soaps or chemicals, as these can irritate your delicate tissues.
Now, we know what you’re thinking: “But won’t douching make me poop?” The answer is yes, it might. That’s why it’s important to do it half an hour before your planned sex session, so your body has time to adjust. If you do happen to have a little accident, don’t worry – it’s totally normal and nothing to be embarrassed about. Just clean up and move on.
How To Have Penetrative Anal Sex?
Since anal play isn’t as easy as vaginal stimulation, we created a comprehensive guide to make sure you have good overall sexual health and achieve mutual pleasure. Here’s the step you can follow to do an effective penetrative anal sex experience:
1. Communication Before Anal Sex
You don’t want to end up in a situation where you’re both on different pages. So, before you start, make sure you have an honest and open conversation about your expectations, boundaries, and concerns. One way to start the conversation is by using a traffic light system as safe words. Green means go, yellow means slow down or proceed with caution, and red means stop. This way, you can easily communicate your comfort level without feeling awkward or embarrassed. You can also talk about the obvious pros and cons of doing it:
The Pros:
- Variety is the spice of life. If you’re looking to spice things up in the bedroom, anal sex is a great way to do it. It’s a different kind of sensation that can add a new level of excitement to your sex life.
- No risk of pregnancy. If you’re not ready for a baby, anal sex is a safe way to have sex without the risk of getting pregnant.
- It can be pleasurable. For some people, anal sex can be incredibly pleasurable. The anus is full of nerve endings, so it can feel really good when stimulated.
The Cons:
- It can be painful. Let’s be real, the anus wasn’t designed for sex. It can be uncomfortable or even painful if you’re not properly prepared or if you’re not into it.
- It requires preparation. Unlike other types of sex, anal sex requires a bit of preparation. You’ll need to make sure you’re clean, use plenty of lube, and start slowly to avoid injury.
- It’s not for everyone. Anal sex is not for everyone. Some people just don’t enjoy it, and that’s A-Okay. It’s essential to communicate with your partner and make sure you’re both on the same page before trying it.
You should also discuss hygiene and cleanliness. Take a shower, use a gentle soap, and wipe the anal area thoroughly. You can even use an enema if you’re worried about any mess.
Lastly, make sure you discuss your use of protection during butt play. Condoms are recommended for anal sex, as they help prevent the transmission of sexually transmitted infections and reduce the risk of fecal matter coming into sexual contact with the vagina. You should also not use the same condom when transitioning from anal play to the vaginal canal as it can cause infections.
2. What To Eat Before Anal Sex?
Let’s face it, anal sex can be a messy business, and nobody wants to deal with an unexpected bowel movement mid-coitus. So, what should you eat before anal sex? Well, the answer is simple: nothing too heavy or spicy. You don’t want to be bloated or gassy during the act, so avoid foods that are high in fiber or that produce gas, such as beans, broccoli, and cabbage. Instead, opt for light, easy-to-digest foods like lean protein, fruits, and vegetables.
If you’re looking for specific foods to eat before anal sex, try bananas, which are high in potassium and can help your muscles [2]. Watermelon is also a good choice, as it’s high in citrulline, which can help increase blood flow to your genitals. Plus, it’s a tasty and refreshing snack.
Finally, don’t forget to stay hydrated! Drinking plenty of water is totally fine plus it can help keep things moving smoothly and prevent any discomfort or irritation. Just be sure to avoid sugary drinks or alcohol, which can dehydrate you and make you go to the bathroom for breaks than you bargained for.
3. Choosing The Right Anal Lube
When it comes to enjoying anal sex, lube is what you need. You want to make sure you have the right kind of lube to make your experience as smooth as possible.
- Water-based lube is the most popular choice for anal sex because it’s easy to clean up and won’t stain your sheets. However, it can dry out quickly, so you may need to reapply it during your session.
- Silicone-based lube, on the other hand, is long-lasting and won’t dry out quickly, but it can be a bit harder to clean up and if you’re using toys, silicone-based lubes are not compatible with silicone toys, keep that in mind.
- Oil-based lube, such as coconut oil or petroleum jelly, can be a good choice if you have sensitive skin, but it’s not compatible with latex condoms.
When choosing your anal lube, make sure to read the label carefully. Look for a lube that’s specifically designed for anal sex, as it will be thicker and longer-lasting than regular lube. You’ll also want to avoid any lube that contains glycerin, as it can cause irritation and increase your risk of infection. And never use numbing lube or cream as you won’t feel pain or discomfort which is the body’s way to say slow down or stop!
4. Inserting The Penis or Finger
So, you’ve done all the prep work and you’re ready to get down to enjoy anal sex? Awesome! But before doing the deed, make sure you have plenty of lube on hand. We keep repeating this, but you can never have too much lube. It can be the difference between a pleasurable experience and a painful one.
The most essential part of the insertion phase is to take it slow. Don’t just ram it in like you’re trying to break down a door, doing so is like asking for anal fissures (porn movies are not real life, ok?). The anal sphincter muscle and its nerve endings are a delicate area and need to be treated with care.
Instead, start with one finger or just the tip of the penis and gradually work your way in. You can also give your partner a rim job first (basically the anal version of oral sex) to get them more aroused. And remember, communication is key. Check in with your partner and make sure they’re comfortable with the pace and depth of penetration. Immediately stop if they feel pain or discomfort.
The receiver can try to take a deep breath and relax their pubococcygeus (PC) muscles as it helps insertion. I also found that it helps to slightly push out like you do when pooping. For this to work I recommend going to the bathroom during the preparation phase.
Once you’re inside, take a moment to let your partner adjust to the sensation. Don’t just start thrusting away like a jackhammer. Instead, try some gentle movements and see how your partner responds. If they’re enjoying it, you can gradually increase the intensity and speed. And if at any point they’re not comfortable, stop and check in with them.
Lastly, don’t forget the importance of hygiene. Make sure you clean up thoroughly before and after anal intercourse. This means washing your hands, using fresh towels, and even taking a shower if necessary. Trust us, no one wants an infection down there.
5. Best Anal Sex Positions
Here are four positions you can try for your 1st time anal attempt. They’re also great options to add some variety to your repertoire. With a lot of communication, patience, and technique, you can get to the best butt sex sessions of your life.
Doggy Style: Slightly changing the classic doggy style position makes it the best anal sex position for beginners. First, have the receiver lower their head and upper body on the bed. A sex wedge can provide the necessary support for this position, but any pillow will do. The angle allows the G-spot and prostate gland to align closer to the surface, meaning better anal stimulation (learn how to do a prostate massage here).
Pro Tip: Use a dildo in your vagina for a double penetration experience. And if you’re curious about double anal penetration, we have an excellent on guide how to do double anal here. In addition, we have a guide on how to do double penetration.
Cowgirl: This position is a no-brainer for anal sex and should be familiar to most couples especially those who spent a lot of time with vaginal intercourse. It’s also a good position to try if you’ve never been on top before. The best part of the cowgirl position is the role-switching. The receiver has all the control, with their upper body weight and leg strength driving the action. It can be as deep and fast as the receiver wants it to be, something not many other positions offer naturally.
Missionary: You can modify the missionary position by resting the receiver’s legs on the giver’s shoulders or around the waist, giving the receiver the necessary support to curve their back for as long as their legs can hold.
Spooning: Couples who like to take their time during sex will have a lot of fun with the spooning position. It’s flexible, comfortable, and many couples say it’s the easiest anal position. Anal is possible in this position whether the couple is facing each other or facing the same direction. Anal penetration is a lot shallower, but the position also allows both partners easy access to each other’s bodies.
You can find more of the best anal sex positions here.
6. Other Anal Techniques
Try Some Sex Toys: Butt plugs, anal beads, or anal vibrators can all enhance your experience and make things more exciting. Just make sure to use plenty of lube and start small if you’re new to the toy game. You don’t want to bite off more than you can chew (or, in this case, take). Also, ensure the toy has a flared base so it won’t disappear into your butt hole! (Ouch)
Clitoral Stimulation: Don’t forget about clitoral stimulation as it can help you orgasm more easily. Try using your hand or a vibrator on your clit while your sexual partner is penetrating you anally. You can also try grinding against their body or a pillow to add some additional stimuli.
Double Penetration: If you’re feeling adventurous, you can add vaginal penetration to make it twice the fun and to switch things up. This can be done with an additional partner or a toy. Just make sure to communicate with them beforehand and take things slow. Double penetration can be intense depending on how rough you want the anal and vaginal stimulation would be, so it’s important to make sure everyone is comfortable and on the same page.
If you find anal sex a bit tricky way to achieve an intense anal orgasm, you might be better off going solo with anal masturbation to learn more about what your likes are dislikes are since you have more control of the situation. Here are some tips you can try with your vibrator:
- Start Slow: Before diving in with your anal vibrator or vibrating butt plug, it’s important to prepare your body. Begin by relaxing your muscles and using plenty of water-based or silicone lubes, depending on your toy. Start with a smaller vibrator and gradually work your way up to larger sizes. Take your time and listen to your body.
- Experiment with Different Vibrator Settings: Most anal vibrator and vibrating butt plug come with different vibration patterns and speeds. Experiment with different settings to find what feels best for you. Some people prefer a steady vibration, while others enjoy pulsating or escalating patterns.
- Focus on the Prostate: The prostate is often referred to as the “male G-spot” and can be a source of maximum pleasure when stimulated. Use your vibrator to apply pressure to the prostate, which is located a few inches inside the anus towards the belly button. You can also try using a “come hither” motion with your vibrator to stimulate the prostate.
Check out this how-to-have anal orgasm using a vibrator guide for more tips.
7. Finding the P-spot (for Male)
Now, we’re going to dive into the male anatomy and talk about the P-spot. The P-spot, or the prostate gland, is located about two inches inside the rectum and is responsible for producing semen [3]. To put it simply, it’s the male equivalent of the G-spot.
Once you’re ready, insert a lubed-up finger or a toy into the anus and start exploring. The P-spot is located on the front wall of the rectum, so you’ll need to angle your finger or toy upwards towards the belly button. You’ll know you’ve found it when you feel a small, walnut-sized bump. If you are using a strap-on, make sure you get a dedicated anal dildo to make the penetration with a strap-on much easy.
Now that you’ve found the Prostate, it’s time to stimulate it. One popular technique is the “come hither” motion, where you curl your finger or toy upwards towards the belly button. Another anal massage technique is to apply pressure to the P-spot using a tapping motion (AKA doorbell). Experiment with different techniques to find what works best for you.
Remember, everyone’s body is different, so don’t be discouraged if it takes a few tries to find the P-spot. With patience, practice, and communication, you’ll be able to experience the intense pleasure of a prostate orgasm that will rock your whole body!
8. Anal Aftercare
Congratulations, you just had a successful anal experience! But before you do a victory dance and high fives, there are a few things you should know about anal aftercare.
First things first, you should have a talk with your partner. Did they enjoy the experience? Is there something they want to change for next time? Or maybe they never want to try it again? Warm hugs and cuddles are also helpful.
Then you’ll want to clean up. Go to the bathroom and take a shower and use a mild soap to gently clean the anal area. Avoid using harsh soaps or scrubbing too hard, as this can irritate. You can also use warm water and Epsom salts to soothe the area and relax your muscles.
Related: Anal Sex Aftercare: Why It’s Important And How To Do It
Next, it’s important to remember that the anus is a sensitive area, and you’ll want to avoid any activities that could cause further irritation. This means no rough play, no anal toys, and no anal sex for a little while. Give your body time to recover and heal before diving back into the deep end.
Finally, be sure to check in with yourself and your partner. Anal sex can be an intense experience, both physically and emotionally, so take some time to process your feelings and make sure you’re both comfortable and happy with what happened.
Thanks for reading my guide on how to have anal sex!
Sandra
Do you have any anal play questions? Ask us on Twitter.
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