As a tantra teacher, I often receive inquiries about tantra massages. Most of the men (yes, it is mainly men) who want one think it’s a sexual service; it’s not. It’s also not an erotic massage; instead, it’s an energetic massage.
This confusion comes from salons that call their happy-ending massage a “tantric massage.” It’s pretty misleading.
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What Is Tantric Massage?
There are two types of tantric massages:
- Traditional tantric massage.
- Neo-tantra massage.
The latter has gained a lot of fame in the previous century and is mainly a massage of the genitals. Developed in Berlin in 1977, it mixes techniques from different schools with elements of bioenergetics, as well as sexual therapy.
Neo-tantra massages are very different from the traditional variant. The traditional tantra massage I will introduce you to in this article goes back centuries and has roots in ancient Tantra and Tao teachings. It involves a very slow and gentle touch of all body parts using oil and incorporates tantric rituals, meditation, and mindfulness. Massaging the erogenous zones––yoni or lingam––is optional.
Traditional tantra massages let you activate energy flow for spiritual awakening and healing. It employs gentle touch, caressing, and energy work. The goal is to move the life force energy through your whole body and not to release any sexual tension. Therefore, authentic tantra massage is not sexual pleasure or orgasm.
However, you should not avoid or repress them if they arise naturally.
Benefits of Tantric Massage
There are several benefits of a traditional tantra massage.
1. Body and mind relaxation
You can use a tantric massage to relax a tense body, and help release trapped emotions.
2. Deeper intimacy
When you massage each body with intention, it awakens lost intimacy. With rituals and mindfulness added to the tantric massage, both partners stay present with each other.
It creates a deep sense of intimacy, similar to the beginning of a relationship.
3. A better understanding of each other’s body
When you run your hands along your partner’s body, you better understand their body. You capture what they like and don’t like, what arouses them, and what relaxes them. That knowledge can be brought into your sex life while also practicing mindful sexuality.
4. Sexual arousal
Since a tantra massage will move about the flow of your creative energy––aka your sexual energy––it’s natural to feel sexual arousal. It can even happen when performed by a professional. If you don’t feel comfortable, please let the professional know.
Common Rules of Tantric Massage
There are a few things to remember when giving or receiving a traditional tantra massage.
- There’s always a giver and a receiver in a traditional tantra massage, except when performed by an expert. After one partner receives the tantric massage, they will return the favor to the giver. A session can then last for a long time. You should plan for at least 1.5 hours.
- Once you start the tantric massage, never leave the receiver without touch. If you need more oil, do it with one hand so the moment is never undisturbed.
- Discuss beforehand if you want to incorporate a massage of the genitals, the breasts, or the belly. If the receiver says “no,” be respectful and skip this step.
- It’s not a happy ending massage or some type of sexual release at the end. Yet, if that happens naturally, it’s perfectly fine.
- Every session can slightly differ. However, the same agenda is typically used: warm-up, full body, yoni or lingam (genitals) massage optional, and final integration.
Step-by-Step Guide to a Tantric Massage
There’s no rigidity set for this traditional tantra massage, so no two look the same. Just keep in mind the goal is to transfer the sexual energy flow from the lower body to the upper body with intention.
1. Setting
Create a sensual environment and safe space for the tantric massage session.
- Start by turning off your phone and ensuring you have enough time set aside.
- Use candles or a soft indirect lamp.
- Burn incense.
- Make sure the room temperature is warm. You don’t want to be cold during the massage as you will be naked for an extended period.
- Prepare a blindfold to block out any unwanted light for the receiver.
- Put some sensual or relaxing music on. I recommend my special Tantric Erotic Background Music.
- Make sure you clip your nails.
- Have a lot of massage oil handy.
2. Warm-up
In a tantric massage, it’s essential to start with some tantric rituals to strengthen the connection with your partner. Here are a few rituals you can try:
Meditation
This silent meditation will help you center yourself and be more receptive during the tantra massage:
- Sit in front of your partner and gently close your eyes.
- Stay silent, look inward, and focus your attention on your breathing.
- If any thought arises, take notice and let it pass by. Return your focus to your breathing.
- After a few deep breaths, bring your attention to your body. You will start a body scan by noticing the sensation on your feet, then your legs, your thighs, your genitals, your hips, your belly, and your chest. Make your way up to your arms, hands, fingertips, and back up to your shoulders, neck, and every part of your face. Finish with the top of your head.
You can read more about meditation for female pleasure here.
Eye-gazing
In tantra, the eyes are the windows of the soul.
Sit comfortably in front of your partner and begin by gazing directly into their eyes. In the beginning, you might feel a bit uncomfortable as it is a very intimate act. You might notice fear, anger, tears, or a deep sense of love and laughter.
All of these emotions and reactions reflect what’s inside you. Some feelings and reactions need healing; while others simply need to be expressed, and this is the perfect place to do so.
Heart-to-heart ritual
This sacred practice allows for deeper intimacy between you and your partner.
Sit in front of your partner relaxed, as you did for the eye-gazing ritual. Place one hand on your partner’s heart while they do the same to you. The other hand rests on your knee with the palm facing up or on your lower belly.
As you perform this gesture, bring both foreheads together, keeping your eyes open. In this position, you will see just one eye, representing the eye of Shiva, the supreme god in Hinduism.
Then, return to your straight position, keeping your hands where they are, and repeat one by one: “I honor you and respect you as a part of myself.”
Sensual dancing
This last opening ritual will strengthen the connection between both partners. Put on some calm music. Try following my playlist on Spotify called Tantra Massage if you need some musical directions.
Start by moving your body with your eyes closed. If you feel awkward when dancing, don’t worry. Nobody is here to judge as it isn’t about performance, but it’s about feeling your body and activating your life energy.
Once you’re more comfortable, open your eyes and sensually dance with your partner. Play with distance, closeness, eye contact, looking away, et cetera.
3. Full-body tantric massage
Now, it’s time to start the full-body traditional tantric massage. I would recommend both partners get naked, even though it is optional for the giver. You can place a towel over the genitals and/or breasts of the receiver if you or they prefer.
The receiver will lay first on their belly while the giver sits cross-legged on the right side of the receiver. Their knees should barely be touching the receiver’s body.
The giver needs to find a comfortable position where they will not have to move their body during the tantric massage.
Then, you can ask the receiver to lay on their back to massage the other side of their body. However, avoid rubbing a woman’s belly and breasts unless she has approved.
During this full-body massage, work intuitively with the receiver’s body. Use fluid and rhythmic strokes and the following techniques:
Warming up the muscles
Start with long flowing strokes on the surface of the receiver’s body to warm up the muscles. Imagine you’re scrubbing away all the stress of daily life and releasing what’s underneath. There’s only pure glowing sexual energy.
Then, whisper your intention to the ears of the receiver. Intentions can be to rejuvenate love, deepen relaxation, reconnect with the body, or something else.
Hands to body
Put a lot of oil over the body. My favorite for this tantric massage is the sensual massage oil for men and women from Maple Holistic.
Rub your hands together to warm the oil before placing them on your partner’s lower back. Slowly glide your hands all the way up before sliding your hands back down. Repeat at least seven times.
Forearms to body
I like to use my forearms to make wave-like movements all over the body. Slide your forearms one by one, gently moving from the lower body to the upper body.
It’s absolutely imperative to use a lot of massage oil for this technique.
Feather strokes
This technique is an erotic and memorable tantric massage experience. Use the tips of your fingers to caress the receiver’s body. You don’t necessarily need massage oil for this one.
Use light feather stroke motions. Then, with your well-clipped fingernails, gently scratch every part of their body. Use circular or side-to-side motions.
4. Optional: Yoni Massage or Lingam Massage
You can add an erotic massage of the genitals, but remember, it’s optional. Please refer to my two guides for how to proceed with the yoni (vagina) or lingam (penis):
Lingam Massage: A Beginners Guide To Tantric Penis Massage
Yoni Massage: A Beginner Guide To Discovering Female Pleasure
Before implementing a genital massage, you should ALWAYS discuss whether your partner is open to it or not.
Penis owners may also be interested in receiving a prostate massage.
5. Integration and Stillness
The last step of a traditional tantric massage is integration.
Rest both hands on the back of the receiver and stay still for 10 deep breaths. This is the time for you to end with a blessing or a prayer, asking for whatever healing is needed. Thank each other, and then switch the tantric massage session.
The giver becomes the receiver and vice versa.
Learn More about Tantric Massage
You now have everything you need to give a tantric massage. Nonetheless, if you’re still unsure of yourself, you can join a tantric retreat with your partner to learn how to give this type.
Join me at the Tantra Festival in Mexico, where you can meet with professionals practicing tantra massages. Use the discount code HAKIMA for 10% off.
There are also online courses accessible from anywhere. I have found that Connecting Rituals and Tantra Healing Massages is a fantastic deal with its affordable 12 video courses for $147.
A tantra massage deeply nourishes your relationship and ignites passion. Therefore, I would encourage you to give it a try!
Hakima
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